The LA Times Single Handedly Bashing the Hopes of Women and Children

Yesterday, our local news provider, the LA Times, decided to run not just one, but two incredibly depressing food-related articles. The first linked depression and chocolate consumption. Apparently the more cacao you devour the better chance you're fucking depressed. While the scientists did not conclude one may lead to the other, they did say there is no evidence (as previously thought) that chocolate could improve your mood. The results that will make women nationwide roll their eyes:

Researchers at UC San Diego and UC Davis examined chocolate consumption and other dietary intake patterns among 931 men and women who were not using antidepressants. The participants were also given a depression screening test. Those who screened positive for possible depression consumed an average of 8.4 servings of chocolate — defined as one ounce of chocolate candy — per month. That compared with 5.4 servings per month among people who were not depressed.

If that wasn't a Debbie Downer enough, the LAT also reported that our neighbors up north (specifically Santa Clara County, home of my father and stepmother, whatup!) are trying to ban the inclusion of toys in Happy Meals. They argue the meals may make kids happy at the time, but will lead to long-term obesity as they grow older, thus, complete and utter unhappiness come high school. Sucks to be you, Mickey D's...

Believed to be the first of its kind in the nation, the proposal would forbid the inclusion of a toy in any restaurant meal that has more than 485 calories, more than 600 mg of salt or high amounts of sugar or fat. In the case of McDonald's, the limits would include all of the chain's Happy Meals — even those that include apple sticks instead of French fries.