NYC's Eleni's Proves Cool Oscar Desserts Do Exist

Dear Los Angeles Bakeries,

As I prepare to host my sixth consecutive Oscar party in our fine city, I very kindly must inquire: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DEAL WITH YOUR STUPID AND/OR LACK OF OSCAR-THEMED DESSERTS? Are you somehow unaware of the prevalence of Oscar viewing parties in LA? Is that somehow possible? Everybody throws an Oscar party here. EVERYONE. And they would all pay a shitload for anything Oscar-related. Yet, year after year, you refrain from offering cool Academy Award desserts. And, if you do, they are super lame. A film reel frosting design does not excite me. Nor does a fondat film slate. Sprinkles, I love you, but throwing a freaking "shiny gold star" atop a Red Velvet cupcake does not an Oscar party make.

I recommend that all Los Angeles bakeries take note of Eleni's New York, a famed New York City bakery that recently started offering cookies and cupcakes with the FACES OF THE CURRENT BEST ACTOR AND ACTRESS NOMINEES. So... you can literally eat the nominees' faces - which would be one more sweet than I'm sure any of the nominees themselves have eaten in months preparing for their big night. They also have Uggie the Dog cookies! Uggie - the dog from "The Artist!" They also offer cupcakes topped with famous quotes from past Oscar nominees like "Jerry Maguire" and "Casablanca." How bad ass is that? Well, maybe not that bad ass, but still pretty cool and sure to enliven even the most ho-hum of Oscar parties.

In conclusion, if a New York bakery can be current and creative with their Oscar sweets, every LA bakery better take note and do something fucking special next year.

Hugs and Kisses,
The Unemployed Eater

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Eleni's New York
(They may be in NYC, but they do ship)