An Open Letter to Menchie's and Yogurtland

Photo courtesy Celebrate-Creativity.com.

UPDATE (8/1/13 6:11 pm): Final update. I am not a man that can be bought. But Menchie's got the waffle cone bits pronto in my local stores. And... well, they swagged me up. Thanks, dudes! I will wear the t-shirt when I'm working out every day so I can eat your delicious froyo every night. I'll use the stress ball when I can't decide which flavor to get. The beanie? I'll put it on my dog and it'll look silly and people will think it's adorable she's wearing a Menchie's beanie.

Menchie's certainly won this battle. However, Yogurtland, there's still a war yet to be decided...

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UPDATE (7/25/13, 3:31 pm): The power of the World Wide Web! Menchie's has stepped up to the plate. The nearest location (Lincoln/Montana) has officially added Waffle Cone Bits to the toppings bar and the second nearest location will follow suit shortly. Democracy and capitalism are beautiful. Never give up on America, people. Greatest froyo country in the world.

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Dearest Menchie's and Yogurtland -

I am a fan. I eat your delicious frozen yogurt concoctions almost every other Sunday evening. Preferably while watching "Amazing Race," but since it's currently summer, we've had to settle for "Ray Donovan." Since I live in Santa Monica, I am afforded the overindulgence of multiple Menchie's and Yogurtlands within a few miles. Unless I had really bad aim or a crappy arm, if I threw a rock on my front porch there is almost no way I couldn't hit one of your locations. You both do wonderful things too. Yogurtland, your recent addition of Daffy Duck Dark Chocolate Orange reminds me of when Apple introduced the iPad. Total. Game. Changer. And Menchie's, oh Menchie's, your stalwart, the Dulce de Leche? I dulce de love it.

However, as Peter Griffith would say, you know what really chaps my ass? Neither of you guys seem willing to want to make yourself the ultimate froyo destination. I know this because you are both missing the topping that makes a place the ultimate froyo destination. I further know I've requested said topping multiple times - both in person and via social media. Every time I'm told, "We'll consider it." Yet, upon my next Sunday visit? IT'S STILL NOT THERE. Obviously, I'm talking about waffle cone bits. You have dozens (even hundreds) of toppings in your stores, but not the sacred waffle cone bits. WHY? This makes no rational sense. They are so delicious it makes me smile just typing 'waffle cone bits.' I bet you're smiling right now as you read the words, 'waffle cone bits.' Especially you, Menchie's, like what the heck? You make FRESH WAFFLE CONES. You MUST have excess bits laying around. Do you just throw them away when you could simply add them to the toppings bar and make MORE MONEY? Isn't that what America is all about? Isn't that capitalism at its finest? It appears to me both of you guys don't want to be American, so you abstain from the waffle cone bits.

Jokes aside -- and I know there are much more pressing issues in the world today -- I am offering a lifetime customer here. The first Santa Monica froyo establishment, Menchie's or Yogurtland (or any of the other ones - well, not Pinkberry, I want good frozen yogurt), to offer waffle cone bits permanently as a topping? I will only visit your store for the rest of time (or, let's be real, until I get sick of the flavors and want something different, but that'll be a while, promise). Even if that means giving up Menchie's killer Eggnog or Yogurtland's stellar Birthday Cupcake Batter. Whatever it takes to get those waffle cone bits in my cup and down my gullet.

Do it for America.

Sincerely,
The Unemployed Eater.